heatherfields


Heathers World Wide Bullshit

Revel in it


Well journal,
heatherfields
What is to say, I am 26 now. I am pregnant with my beautiful daughter Amelia. Conor starts the third grade tomorrow and I still have Marley of course, whom in have had since she was 2. I am so nervous to be a new mom again, she is supposed to be here in 17 days. Jeremy has been an awesome pregnancy partner. Attentive, and very involved. He bought us a new house and a bigger car. Bought all Amelia's cloth diapers and she is completely stocked on clothes. I think he is the best daddy I have ever seen.
I am so nervous for my new chapter.

image
image
image

(no subject)
heatherfields
I have never loved anyone as much as I have loved Jeremy imler. he is the greatest thing that ever happened to me. And, For once I know it is mutual. this has been the greatest year of my life.

(no subject)
heatherfields
I think it is finally over with now. Thank god. I am living elsewhere, I just went on the most beautiful trip ever. Things are just ok.

scientists they couldnt fix me im so tired of getting out of bed..
heatherfields
Have you ever watched anyone just breathe before. Damn..people think I am insane for staying with him. I have been hearing that for 6 years. But people can't understand what they don't see. He is so beautiful. God but so ugly. He just kills me to the core..but makes me feel more alive than anyone before. He just blows my mind. How come every one of my girlfriends fuck him behind my back. It has beem years since he has cheated..why now..why with a 17 yr old..why in my bed..he tells me its just cause she is a slut. When are the sluts gonna disappear..I have been daling with them for years. I love him. Why does he still hold me. And tell me how much he loves me. Why did I never notice. We have sex everyday..even when he is cheating. Now I have to go get tested. He makes me feel so ugly. People that love eachother don't make them feel like that. I love him so much and I thought I proved that. I am sick of proving myself. I am exhausted. I take care of a 3 yr old. Aside from the last month I had a job working constantly. I mean fuck.
I told him tonight after we made love that I am falling out of love with him. He makes me sick and he needs help. He just pretends I never say things and loves on me like his dick wasn't in someone else 2 weeks ago.
What am I gonna do. I am so sick of being on edge. I just want to feel ok.

ugh
heatherfields
I don't know what end is up anymore. This is all ridiculous. Everyone thinks I am a joke because my husband can't keep his dick out of people. One girl being 17. I am justt so sick of all this. I can't keep up.

(no subject)
heatherfields
I am not looking forward to these holidays. I am going to freak.

(no subject)
heatherfields
just sittng in my room. alone. thinking. today was really hard. it was my cousins bridal shower. which is weird enough. but seeing how much my family has aged. so much time has passed that i wasted disconnected from them all. i feel bad. everyone all got along so well and i felt like i did not belong. boo. anyways, been trying to spend alot more time with conor. me and brian are on a day to day type thing at this point. I love him so much and i got back with him because i wanted to. But god. He has become alot more controlling than he was before. I wonder if he wants what is best for me or if he gets satisfaction out of telling me what to do and giving me so many rules. I left my family early becauce of him. I hope i do not wake up 5 years from now wondering why. I hope i am making the right decisions. I was wondering earlier about my mom. Sometimes i know i can feel her watching me and i bet she is so dis appointed in me. I mean if she really does see everything i do it is a scary thought. I do not want to meet up with her again one day and her be mad. Heh. Sounds weird but you think about weird stuff when you lose someone that close. Freaky. I do not know things are just weird right now..in between jobs. Do not really know what i am doing from one min to the next. So many things to balance and keep control of. Dealing with a husband that seems like i am losing connection with. I do not know i will give things time. Hopefully something breaks soon.

Post from mobile portal m.livejournal.com

(no subject)
heatherfields
16 beers to brian all the way! in 7 hours!




I love you! Brian! When you see this!

(no subject)
heatherfields
Hmm, It's almost time for me to get ready to work. I have finally found a job where I am doing something that isn't under my goals. I am remodeling airplanes..I strip and grind paint off, and eventually repaint them and it's great.
Working on a 1978 now.
Anyways, We had conors 2nd birthdat, Where has the time gone?




Alright time to get ready!

(no subject)
heatherfields
I missed Brian Blalock So much....



I have seriously been in love with him for so long...



He means the world to me...



Ill write something insightful tomorrow.

?

Log in